School and time traveling messages

School has begun and I am busy again. I feel pulled in several directions. I work, spend time with my girlfriend, am a full time student, am the recruitment chairperson for my fraternity and I am trying to find time for clubs. This is all made more difficult by my 40 minute commute, one way.

However, the object of this blog is not to rant; I do that enough already. The object is to convey my feelings of sadness, excitement, happiness, and worry. I am sadened by the thought that the lifestyle I have lived for the past four years is about to come to an end. I am happy to be back in school again. I am happy to learn new things, to be an integral part of my orgainizations, to be busy, and to have large social groups again. I am excited by the thought of having a good and steady income. I am worried that the possiblitiy of not getting a job might come true. I am sadened by the thought of never seeing the majority of my college friends again. And, I am sadened to think that I will have to start all over again.

Starting over has always been a daunting prospect for me. I've moved a couple of times in my life and started college so I have limited expierence with it. However, this does not belittle the fact that changing can be scary. Now, there will be some throwbacks to my old lifestyle. I will no doubt carry some friends forward from college, be with Ashli, and have my family; but they will completely underwealhm the udder change in location, scenery, people I interact with, schedules, and more things then I have space here to write.

Not knowing where I will be a year from now is probably the scariest thought, and also the most exciting. Now, if I had no loans to pay back I would care a significant amount less; but that is not what was in the cards for me. I just hope everything works out. But, more than that; I just want to be happy. And, I have to spend some time figuring out what would make me happy. I'm pretty sure that if I had Ashli, a few good friends, and a city-ish setting; I could be happy even with a crap job.

I have an after-thought. Now, I have blogs that date back to almost two years ago. I almost wish that I could look at future blogs. I mean, I wish that somehow I could see all the blogs I would ever write on the side bar and just scroll through them to now if everything would be alright for me. But, if given the option I would only want to see them if everything turned out well. And, if I said that and nothing showed up; I would know something terrible happend. Oh well, I guess I'm caught in a catch 22 here. I want to know, but only if it is good. But the act of not being told would tell me what I didn't want to know. I sincerely hope that I look back at this particular entry one or two years from now and I am sitting at my desk on my lunch break at, at least an ok engineering job, near/in a city.

To my future self: If you are reading this try and remember what you were going through when you were sitting down in the erc at 11:39 before computer networks writing this. I hope that you/I have at least met some of your/our goals. But take heart if you haven't acheieved it yet. I have faith in you/me.

Time is a funny thing...